And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children. Isaiah 54:13 KJV

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Marriage........

So this past weekend I had the privilege of seeing a dear friend exchange wedding vows with the man God has had planned for her all along. I feel confident that God has a hand in this marriage because we have prayed for the perfect husband for her almost the whole time I have known her. I feel certain that after waiting so long for this blessing, that she will make an excellent wife and he will be an equally excellent husband. The day was perfect, the weather beautiful, the bride STUNNING, the air full of love and laughter, and God's sweet presence circled around the whole ceremony. It was attended by many family and friends and the reception was a wonderful opportunity for all to come to know one another.

It is the first wedding ceremony that I ever remembering shedding a tear during. I am by nature not an emotional person and although I find joy and happiness in weddings, I am not normally moved to tears. I cried out of pure joy for my friend and hope for her new future. As is natural, I reflected on my own wedding and my own marriage as a result.

Our wedding was spontaneous but not, fun but not extravagent, memorable but not what we had originally planned. It is ours and no one can ever change it or take it from us. Our marriage is the same. It was bumpy before and at the beginning, almost like a roller coaster the second year and subsequently amazing and beautiful when we allowed Christ to become the center of it. As with all marriages we brought in it the preconceived notions of what we thought marriage should be, the already formed ideas of conflict resolution or lack of thereof, and our own ideals of what we thought a perfect spouse should entail.

I brought myself, loud, southern, and domineering to the table. Any talk of obeying my husband brought a sarcastic remark and rolled eyes. My vows said nothing of obedience. I purposefully chose others. In fact ours read "I take you as my wedded husband, through the unknown future, bring joy or sorrow, health or sickness, prosperity or adversity, or sunshine or shadow, hopes fulfilled or dreams shattered, I pledge to be true to you for the rest of my life." (I cheated btw I keep a copy of these from our wedding day!) Were I to rewind and do it all over again (which I ABSOLUTELY would) I would change the vows, I would read the traditional ones. We have had adversity, we have had dreams shattered, and we have stayed together.

I credit my husband's unwavering patience. Many other men would have never married and certainly not stuck with such an overbearing wife. I felt as though my way was the only right way and no other way would do. I am so so THANKFUL that the Lord saw fit to open my eyes and to open my husband's eyes. He gently but steadfastly showed us that we were not living His plan and by His will if I was in charge. He didn't design us that way! Please don't stop reading here and assume I am a flake overpowered by my husband, not at all! He loves me and respects me and respects my opinion and wants and needs but at the end of the day he is leading our family. If you haven't heard the song "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real please stop now and go to this link and listen or watch the video http://www.sanctusreal.com/. It is an amazing song that falls on my heart and draws me back to the time when our marriage was so out of balance. Open your bible read I Cor 7 and Eph 5. See if your marriage lines up to Christ's plan. Read on through the bible and see how God compares the church to a bride and His love for it.

I literally cringe now when I hear a wife belittling her husband or telling of her plans for their marriage when they obviously don't line up with his plans or wishes. I want to shout "LOVE YOUR HUSBAND, LET HIM BE THE LEADER, YOU ARE NOT FOLLOWING GOD'S PLAN BY BEING IN CHARGE!" I equally want to shout at the husband to take control. If he does not, she has to. A man must take on the responsibility of leading his family, providing for them, caring for them, and gauging their spiritual health.

The direction of marriage in America frightens me. We pray daily for our children and the unknown spouses that God is preparing for them. With divorce at a staggering percentage I fear that marriage will completely fall away. God purposefully created us man and woman.

Please ladies take a moment to consider your marriage and if you are following God's heart. My marriage is no where near perfect, it will never be, but we are always evaluating and adjusting. We want to give our children a healthy perception of marriage. Can you give yours the same?

2 comments:

  1. While I appreciate your commitment to your faith and your trust in your husband, I don't feel this is a plan that will work for every marriage. Sometimes a man just cannot lead, sometimes a woman just cannot follow. I respect your beliefs, but I cannot look at marriage in absolutes--no one makes the right choices all the time. Balance and trust in each other, making decisions for your family together, never undermining or belittling the other's opinions/choices/feelings--these seem like better goals for my life and my marriage. In all fairness, I wouldn't classify myself as Christian, so we're kind of comparing apples and oranges. :) I'm very happy you've come to a place of contentment with your marriage and your role in it. Stick with what works for you girl!

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  2. I love you Kelly and I love your honesty and openness. My marriage is all about balance and trust and all about striving to find what God wants for all 4 of us. With Chad being gone, obviously you are in charge. However I don't think you would make life changing decisions for your whole family without considering and asking for his feelings on it. I do believe God created man to lead and woman to be a helpmate but that absolutely means love, respect, and balance from both parties. If my husband makes a choice or decision I feel against, I speak up! But I do it with respect and love for my hubby. In the past we both belittled and undermined the other party. Now through much prayer and love from God, we try very hard not to do that. I know that your boys are watching a loving marriage unfold before them. It will give them a safe and healthy model for their future. That is my ultimate goal! I encourage you to read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman if you have not. It is an excellent book for ALL marriages and relationships!

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