And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children. Isaiah 54:13 KJV

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Stress, for Real

I'm sick. Blah. I've been sick since Wednesday. Have I been to the doctor you ask? Well. No. I mean the clinic is allll the way across town and it's been about 105 everyday and my kids are ALWAYS with me and last time I got sick like 2 years ago I took them with me and it wasn't a fun experience so I've chosen not to relive it. This is like the worst sinus infection ever. With achy body and chills and sweat and soooooore throat. Ugh. Over the counter meds have helped in a minor way.

I decided today that going to the doctor probably wouldn't help anyway. I've decided it's physical ailment brought on by emotional distress. See we have been EXTREMELY busy. It's crazy! And I keep looking at the calendar and we only have about 3 weeks of summer left and we've barely done any of the summer school activities I've had planned and it doesn't feel like I've had a break at all (I mean shouldn't the teacher get a break?!?!), and we didn't get to take our trip to the beach this year and......... let's leave this for a minute so I can breath.

My baby turned 5 last week. 5! And he's my last baby and now he isn't a baby anymore. Sob. I'm so so so proud of him and who he is and I wanted to sob at both of his birthday parties but it seemed highly inappropriate because A) he's a boy and B) he's not a baby anymore! Gasp, wheeze, sob, sniff, sniff. He's such a big boy now.

Last week was also the anniversary of my dad's passing and that's just hard. I keep expecting it to be easier and in some ways it is but in many ways it's a little harder every year because there are so many things he's missed. Like Speedy turning 5! Sob.

My granddady got married today. He's so much more than a granddaddy. I lived with he and my grandma for many years and we have a very special relationship. I'm so glad he found someone who makes him happy and I like her very much but...... she isn't my grandma. I don't think she would ever want to take her place and the wedding was nice and I was so glad to be there (even though I was sick) but it made me miss my grandma soooooo much. It made my kids miss grandma too. Especially Apple. She made several comments about her throughout the day. One of those times when I couldn't make her feel any better, I just had to hurt along side her. Bless her though, she's so mature even at 7 that she held it together and only whispered quiet words to me. The drama queen really can hold it together when it's really important. Which is fantastic considering I wanted to have a come apart a few times!

You ever wonder what everyone would do if you just totally FREAKED out at a completely inappropriate time? (Cause let's face it, we all FREAK out a little every once in awhile.) I've imagined those scenarios several times in the last couple of weeks. Good thing Jesus is the Prince of Peace and He imparts a little upon my heart in those extreme moments.

My life is so blessed, so very blessed, but I am the queen of holding it all in so sometimes, when I'm STRESSED, for real, it all comes together in something like a week long horrible bout of sinus issues. Or it could just be I have a sinus infection because I live in an area that is in dusty, dry drought with about 2 weeks of 100+ temps. Either way.

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